Yesterday I read the following editorial in the Daily Orange.. (thanks to Danny Fersh) and laughed outloud while sitting in the IST 195 lecture yesterday… yes, sorry Jeff Rubin, I was reading the paper in your class. But anyway, maybe I’ve been recruiting all wrong… because I think in the end, Danny’s got it right. It’s about balancing your life as a student, being challenged by your academic pursuits, while at the same time developing as a person in a social atmosphere. It’s about finding the right fit for each person…. thoughts? Should I hire Danny as a student ambassador? Maybe Newhouse already has…
All prospective students must learn lessons tour guides don’t teach
By Danny Fersh
Dear Prospective Student,
Thank you for visiting Syracuse University! I hope you enjoyed your stay with us as much as we enjoyed hosting you. That being said, I feel your experience here did not reflect our school in its entirety. As your appointed host, it is my duty to use this letter to inform you about some of the things we didn’t discuss during the weekend.
First of all, you should know that the sun really does rise during typical daylight hours here in Central New York. You probably knew as much already, but I wanted to confirm that fact for you since you were passed out — I mean, “resting” on my floor all day Saturday. Granted, keg stands can be really tiring, but that’s no excuse for sleeping through your campus tour. Heck, your younger brother drank twice as much as you that night, and he still recovered in time to study for his bar mitzvah the next morning.
Still, despite what you saw and heard Friday night, students here actually do work for class. Sometimes. Just hours before those DPS officers handcuffed you to the side of their car, I was studying for a quiz in Newhouse II. I know we never told you about any academic buildings during your stay, but that’s the establishment you peed on after we got kicked out of that house party on Livingston Avenue.
We here at SU take our studies very seriously. In fact, as a journalism major, I fully intend to use Friday’s events for an expose I’m writing about underage binge drinking. Your belligerent journeys through both main and south campus make for an excellent account of how alcohol affects the teenage psyche. I think we both know you would’ve never hooked up with my roommate’s girlfriend if you were sober. Though I suspect you would’ve worn that Wonder Woman costume whether you drank or not.Despite all the fun you had in that spandex outfit, I can’t help feeling guilty for being a terrible host. While we were out partying, we should have been discussing academics. Instead of forcing you into a KY Jelly wrestling match with two female rugby players, I should’ve shown you the Quad. Funneling jungle juice down your throat seemed like a good idea while we were waiting at the bus stop, but now I realize that moment was just a missed opportunity to tell you about our extensive alumni network.
You see, picking a college is a very serious matter. It’s not all fun, games and public urination. The process requires work, attentiveness and dedication. Whether you’re an architecture major who works 100 hours a week or a party animal, like that naked guy we saw passed out against the Saltine Warrior statue, eventually you have to hunker down and study for a degree. Otherwise, the whole experience becomes one big waste of tuition.
That’s why I strongly encourage you to look into the many academic programs this great university has to offer before you make your final decision. When you do so, I trust you’ll find that SU is the place for you. Plus, it’s worth mentioning that the terms of your probation stemming from Friday night’s incidents prohibit you from leaving New York.
Either way, I hope to see you here next fall.Sincerely yours,
DannyDanny Fersh is a sophomore broadcast journalism major and his column appears every Wednesday. He would like his readers to know that he was the naked party animal passed out against the Saltine Warrior statue, but every other event described in this column was fictional. He can be reached at dafersh@syr.edu.